Leadership ConneXions - Issue 16
Happy New Year and welcome
to Leadership ConneXions Issue 16 and welcome to all our new subscribers. Leadership ConneXions currently reaches out
to over 5000 subscribers.
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Tao of Holding Space
Here at Leadership
ConneXions we believe in sharing the best resources that we can find. In recent months we have made regular mention
of Open Space Technology – a group facilitation process that can achieve
amazing results. Well, Chris Corrigan,
an internationally respected Open Space facilitator has released an 81 page e-book
called the Tao of Holding Space, so, if you are interested in Open Space, then
this is definitely worth a read.
http://www.chriscorrigan.com/ftp/Tao_of_holding_space.pdf
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A Proven Set of Principles to Guide You
in the New Year
By Roger Ellerton PhD, ISP, CMC, Renewal
Technologies Inc. www.renewal.ca
How many of us have set New Year's resolutions or
goals for our lives that all too quickly are forgotten or put aside until the
next year? The following set of
principles will help you achieve your New Year's resolutions and much more. Read them over carefully. Challenge them, as at first reading you may
not fully understand or agree with some of them. Now, or on January 1, select one of these
principles and put it into action for a full week. Notice how things in your life improve and
move you closer to achieving your desires.
At the end of each week focus on a new principle until all seven are a
way of life for you.
1. There is no failure, only feedback.
Have you ever done something that didn't work out
the way you had planned? How often have
you interpreted this as failure and possibly beat yourself up or blamed
others? Far too many of us have been
trained to judge our results as either success or failure. How would your life change if you viewed
failure simply as feedback - an opportunity to learn how not to do something
and become flexible in developing new ways to achieve your intended
outcome? The next time something does
not unfold as planned accept it as feedback, get curious and ask yourself
questions such as, "What do I need to learn about myself, others, my work
or family environment, so that if a similar situation were to occur in the
future, I can get a better result?"
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't
work." - Thomas Edison, scientist and inventor
How different would your workplace be if failure
were viewed as feedback? Would you, and
others, be more inclined to explore new ways to get your work done more
efficiently and effectively, with more fun?
2. You cannot not communicate.
Often we think we communicate only when we speak
or write. This is not so. Consider the following situations: 1. You are
in a staff meeting sitting off to one side, with your arms folded and an angry
look on your face, and not participating in the discussion at all. 2. You have chosen not to respond to
telephone and e-mail messages in a timely fashion, or at all. Even no
communication sends a message, and it is often not a positive one. Who are you really hurting?
Through your tone of voice, actions, facial
expressions, gestures and body language, you are always communicating. Take time to step back and see the impact of
your actions on the larger system. Is
this really the impression you wish to create or the message you wish to
convey?
3. Be flexible - If what you are doing is not
creating the results you desire, do something different.
Have you ever been stuck in life, doing the same
things repeatedly and each time expecting to get a different result? This is the widely known definition of
insanity. If you want your life to be
different, doing the same things more often, harder, or louder is not the way
to change it. You must choose to do
something different. If you try one key
in a lock and it doesn't fit, would you keep trying the same key
repeatedly? Or would you be flexible and
try other keys until you find the one that works?
It is the same for your life. Be flexible; explore different behaviours and
strategies to unlock what you truly want in life or who you are destined to be.
If you are a parent, consider the following:
There are no resistant children, only inflexible adults.
4. The meaning of communication is the response
it produces.
Your intended communication is not always what is
understood by the other person. And what
is more important - your intention or what is understood? It does not matter what your intention is,
what matters are the results you generate from your words, tone of voice,
facial expressions and body language. By
taking the other person's response as feedback and being flexible, you can change
how you communicate until you achieve your desired result.
Consider the following situation: as a man, I
notice a female co-worker is wearing a new dress, so I decide to pay her a
compliment (my sincere intention). I say
to her, "My, you look terrific in that dress.” However, her reaction isn't what I
expected. She seems annoyed and leaves
the room. I do not know what is going on
in her mind, but obviously she heard my message very differently from what I
had intended. Perhaps from her
experiences and beliefs, she interpreted what I said as "hitting on
her" or being suggestive. The next
time I see her, I can continue with the same behaviour, or simply ignore her
and harbour all manner of bad thoughts about her. Or I can recognize that my remark did not
produce the result I had intended and find different ways to communicate with
her so that we can have a productive working relationship.
5. Every behaviour has a positive intention.
No matter how strange, hurtful or inappropriate a
person's behaviour may seem to you, for the person engaging in that behaviour,
it makes sense from their perspective - their beliefs and values - and is
predicated upon satisfying a positive intention for them.
The key is to appreciate that there is a positive
intention behind the other person’s behaviour - for them, maybe not for
you. This does not mean that you must
view the other person's behaviour as positive or acceptable. On the contrary, you may find it quite
distasteful. You need to look behind the
behaviour to discover the positive intention or, if it's not apparent, look for
an intention that makes sense in their reality.
This intention may be for themselves, for you or for someone else. Once you have an understanding of their
intention, you can explore alternative ways to help the person achieve it.
As an example, let's say you are having a
discussion with someone and he suddenly raises his voice, knocks things off the
table and runs from the room. From your
perspective, this certainly cannot be viewed as positive behaviour. What could possibly be the positive intention
behind this kind of behaviour? Now look
at it from the other person's perspective.
Given his background - his experiences, beliefs and values - perhaps he
felt unsafe or overwhelmed in the conversation with you. Given the resources he had available at that
moment, this may have been the only option he felt he had in order to create
some space or to flee to a place of greater safety.
What can you do to avoid a similar result next
time? You can accept what happened as
feedback, respect his perspective, explore the possible positive intentions
behind his behaviour and look at other ways to achieve your outcome while
satisfying his positive intention. In
other words, be flexible.
It is useful to take stock of your own behaviours
on a regular basis. Notice the results
you are achieving, identify the positive intention behind these behaviours and
ask, "Is there a better way to achieve my positive intention that
minimizes the negative side-effects?"
6. Everyone does the best they can with the
resources available to them.
People already have the resources they need to
succeed. However, their perspective of
the world (beliefs, values and limiting constraints) or temporary state of mind
(overwhelmed, sad or angry) may prevent them from seeing what is really
possible or prevent them from fully accessing their capabilities and
resources. In these situations, a person
may make decisions or take actions that, from another viewpoint, are much less
than they are capable of and that may even be experienced as hurtful.
With hindsight, that person could have done many
things differently, but it was deemed the best choice at the time. We do not always make the "right"
decision or take the "right" action; simply, decisions and actions
are taken based on what resources we have available to us at the time.
7. You are in charge of your mind and therefore
your results.
It was you who chose the beliefs, values and
decisions that determine your perspective of the world and how you experience
different events. It is also you who can
change these to gain a different perspective and thus reap the benefits of
results that are potentially very different, brining significant changes to
your life.
In conclusion
You can simply read the above principles or you
can begin to put them into action and make them a way of life. In doing so, you have the opportunity to
change your reality, your results and your life!
Author: Roger Ellerton is a certified NLP trainer, certified
management consultant and the founder and managing partner of Renewal
Technologies. The above article is based
on his book Live
Your Dreams Let Reality Catch Up: NLP and Common Sense for Coaches, Managers
and You.
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Something to Consider Before Setting Your Goals for 2007
Philip Humbert is a
renowned coach and author. In a recent
newsletter, he offered the following advice.
Before you set goals or
make major long-term decisions about your life, take time to ponder these
issues.
1. Clarify your
Values
In your opinion, what
are the "fundamentals" in life?
What do you rank highest in life?
What ideals do hold most sacred? Words
like love, freedom, creativity, integrity, loyalty or commitment may come to
mind, but you may have a very different list.
Take time to think, and write down your answers. I think they'll add clarity and direction to
your daily activities.
2. Clarify your
Priorities
Most of us (whether we
know it or not) have a few areas of life we focus on, day after day. How do you prioritize health, work, family,
community involvement and personal fulfilment?
Each year, I try to identify a short list of areas to "focus
on" for the year. I may not have
specific goals in each area, but I want to prioritize and "work on"
income or family or spirituality or some other area. What are you priorities in life?
3. List Your Daily
Habits
We all have habits that
help us, and other habits that hold us back.
Why not choose the daily habits that will move you forward in life? Benjamin Franklin identified 13 traits he
wanted in his life and he worked on them in rotation each week for over 50
years. I have "7 Daily
Disciplines" that I try to practice every day. I don't always do each of them, but day by
day, they're becoming habits that enrich my life. I recommend the practice.
A few weeks ago, I
wrote, "in climbing the ladder of success, be sure you don't leave your
loved ones behind." Since then,
I've gotten over 50 emails from subscribers telling me how that little phrase
touched or inspired them. As you pursue
your tangible, practical goals, be sure you're actually creating the life you
truly want. Otherwise, in the words of
the sad old song, you may end up asking, "What's it all about,
Alfie?"
To subscribe to Philip’s
TIPS for Extraordinary Living!, please
visit http://www.philiphumbert.com and
use the form at the top of each page.
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