Leadership ConneXions - Issue 2
Welcome to Leadership ConneXions Issue 2 and to the 47 new subscribers.
Well, second issue and already a new name! Did you notice the X?
The Leadership ConneXions team is developing a web site and an automated system
to make access to information and events even easier for you. We will have more
news on this in future issues. But for now, we had to make a change to register
a domain name. Nothing else has changed... we are still seeking to provide a
great service to members and spread the language of leadership.
Today's topic is Perceptual Positions. Most of the subscribers to Leadership
ConneXions will be well aware of Perceptual Positions from their leadership
training and elsewhere. For those familiar with this topic, it is good to get a
reminder and to bring your knowledge closer to the surface of your
consciousness. There may even be some new information in this article. Those
readers who are new to Perceptual Positions are in for treat. This topic is one
of the most profound things that you can learn in your leadership journey.
Today's issue quickly recaps Perceptual Positions, gives you clues to identify
what position someone talking with you might be taking and also includes and
article on how you can use Perceptual Positions in negotiations. Hope you enjoy
it!
Also in today's edition is a new service called "I Want Advice!" This new
service works on harnessing the collective wisdom of subscribers to Leadership
ConneXions to share advice, comfort and possibly solutions for your issues.
So................welcome to issue 2.
Perceptual Positions
Perceptual Positions comes from the work of DeLozier & Grinder (1987). For those
interested, the details of their work are in the reference below.
In general, 3 perceptual positions are identified- 1st 2nd and 3rd perceptual
positions (more recent work has identified 4th and 5th positions but we can save
discussion on these for a later time).
'First position' involves seeing, hearing and feeling a particular event from
one's own perspective.
'Second position' involves seeing, hearing and feeling an event from someone
else's perceptual position, including their values, beliefs and emotions.
'Third position' is seeing it from an outside perspective - as if you were a
third person looking on and observing the communication objectively from a
distance. This position is sometimes called the "helicopter view".
The realization that we humans generally operate from three basics ways of
looking at experience offers tremendous potential in state control and in the
enhancing of our communication.
When you associate into your own body, you live in first position. This permits
you to look at the world from your own viewpoint. In the first position, you do
not take into account anyone else's position. You simply think, "How does this
conversation or communication affect me?" From the first position, your
conversations will feature lots of "I" and "me" statements. For example:
* I did this....
* I reckon we should ......
* I am wondering what we should do.
* You should have seen me last Tuesday.
Second position means you walk in the other person's shoes. You take into
consideration how a communication or event would look, feel and sound from
another person's point of view. In the second position, you imagine yourself
entering the other person's body, looking through their eyes, feeling what they
feel. What do you look like, sound like and what feelings do you get from the
other person's viewpoint of you? For example:
Woman: My car broke down and I had to walk 5 kilometres home in my high heel
shoes and it was dark".
Man: Your feet must have been hurting.
Woman: They were killing me.
Man: You must have been scared walking home alone.
Woman: No, It was a busy street and it was well lit.
The beauty of this perceptual position is that you can associate with the person
more readily by the statements you make and the answers they provide. You are in
effect, trying to read their mind. But even if you get it wrong, they will
clarify the matters more fully and you develop greater ability to experience
empathy. Therefore, it is an effective tool to start to build rapport. If you
have already commenced to build rapport and then go into second position, you
can notice how easily the rapport deepens.
This position also gives you much more flexibility when involved in conflict
with someone. From the second position you can appreciate how they feel about
your conversation and behaviour.
Third position offers a way of dissociating from the entire event or
conversation. In the third position you become an independent observer. This
position allows you to operate from the position of objectivity. Ask yourself,
"How would this conversation or event look to someone totally uninvolved?"
Imagine yourself being out of your body and off to the side of the conversation
between you and the other person. You can see both yourself and the other
person.
The most obvious way to identify the perceptual position of another is to listen
for the words they used. In first position, the best give away is a significant
use of "I", "me" and "we" statements. Similarly, greater use of "you" in
reference to another person such as "you must have been feeling depressed" or
"that must have made you angry" suggests second position. Third position will
often have more descriptive language that signifies a more remote perspective.
It could very well include obvious helicopter statements such as "big picture"
or "from my vantage point" and more subtle phrases such as "I notice that...."
However, you have to consider these statements in their context to be sure that
they are not disguised first position statements.
Body language may sometimes be a clue as to which position a person is in during
an event or conversation.
In second or third perceptual positions the perceiver may move slightly from the
position used for first position - they might move their body (or chair) back
when perceiving from second position or tilt their head up for third position.
While people can react differently, different body positions people take for the
3 perceptual positions are likely to be consistent for a single individual over
the course of any one session.
Eyes movements can sometimes be used in conjunction with language and body
position as a means of verification. As a general rule, people tend to look up
when accessing visual images, left to right in a horizontal plane when accessing
sounds and down when accessing feelings or internal dialogue. So if someone
where to sit back in their chair, listen intently to the other person and move
their eyes downward, then one might suspect that they were accessing feelings
that allow them to more fully empathise with the other person. A person in an
more "excited" state and looking upwards is most likely remembering a scene from
his or her past and is likely to burst forth with a first perceptual position
statement.
References
DeLozier, J. & Grinder, J.; "Turtles All The Way Down" ; Grinder, DeLozier &
Assoc., Santa Cruz, CA, 1987.
For more on the basics of perceptual positions, see Perceptual Positions Applied
- Helping People Be Real and Be Understood by Scott Arbuthnot at: http://www.arbuthnot.com.au/
Preparing for a Negotiation Using Perceptual Positions
This article comes from Reg Connolly. His web site is: http://www.nlp-now.co.uk/
In this mental technique you mentally review (or preview) a situation from a
number of different standpoints in order to enrich your appreciation of what is
involved. (In Neuro Linguistic programming (NLP) it has traditionally been
called 'Perceptual Positions'.)
Why use this?
Enables you to think more flexibly and creatively.
Improves your understanding of other people.
Provides an opportunity to stand back and consider issues dispassionately
Helps you appreciate the influence of your verbal and non-verbal behaviour on
others, and the influence of their behaviour on you.
How to use Different Perspectives
Use it to review an interaction with another person - or to prepare for a
forthcoming one.
Do two rounds. The first round provides insights into the current situation. The
second round enables you to benefit from the insights gained in the first round
- while mentally 'wiring in' the learnings.
1st Perspective
See the situation through your own eyes. You are primarily aware of your own
thoughts and feelings. This enables you to consider your own needs.
2nd Perspective
Imagine what it is like to be the other person. Put yourself in their shoes - as
if you are looking back at yourself, seeing, hearing, and feeling as the other
person.
3rd Perspective
Take a detached viewpoint. Imagine you are looking at yourself and the other
person 'over there' - seeing the two of them speaking, gesturing etc. Pay
particular attention to non-verbal behaviour such as the body language and the
sound of their voices. Then consider, as a result of taking this view, what
advice you wish to give 'yourself' about how you are handling the situation.
The 2nd Round
Now repeat the process using the advice/learnings from the first round. Run
through it with the new behaviours - first as yourself, then as the other
person, and finally the detached view.
Finally, think of up-coming events in which these insights may be useful.
Mentally run through these while imagining that you are incorporating your new
learnings.
Applications
How about doing this for a minute or two after just one interaction daily...
Consider how your communicating will improve after a month of doing this...
Share highlights from your Leadership Journey
Do you have a story to tell? Have you found an article or web site that really
impacted on you? If so, why not share it with Leadership ConneXions by simply
including the details in a reply to this email.
I
Want Advice!
The collective wisdom of Leadership ConneXions is immense. Between us we have
experiences, knowledge, skills that are incredible. Collectively we have spent
thousands of hours trawling through books and web sites looking for knowledge.
From time to time, Leadership ConneXions will call upon this collective wisdom
to help with problems that you submit. Rather than you spending hours on the
internet, why not just seek assistance from other subscribers.
Today's problem comes from Bob in Brisbane.
Communication by e-mail - is there a better way?
I am currently in a team of about 10 who have come together to further a common
interest. For all members of the team, this is an "extra interest" tied loosely
to work but not replacing any of our core duties. We are in a variety of
agencies but all work near the city. Aside from this activity, we are all busy
people.
Communication by e-mail has often led to misunderstanding, particularly with the
feelings behind the content of the mail. Consequently an e-mail storm can
quickly develop which serves to exacerbate rather than resolve the
misunderstanding. Meetings are held regularly but our different personal
routines mean they are often poorly attended.
Is there a different way to communicate effectively so that our energies can be
directed to pursuing our common interests rather than resolving communications
issues? Have you had a similar experience that eventuated in a successful
outcome?
If so, I would love to hear from you. I can be contacted at robert.j.de.verteuil@mainroads.qld.gov.au
Thanks for your help
Bob
Help us grow Leadership ConneXions
If you enjoyed or learnt from this email and believe others may also benefit,
please forward this email on in its entirety including all links and
attachments.
Subscribe
If you were sent a copy of this email by a colleague and you would like to
subscribe to future articles, you can subscribe at: http://www.leadership-connexion.org
Unsubscribe?
If you want you name taken off the Leadership ConneXions distribution list, you
can subscribe at:
http://www.leadership-connexion.org